


Who is scared of the Force ghost now?

by Cherrydragon26



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrydragon26/pseuds/Cherrydragon26
Summary: Luke and Anakin/Vader talk about who they want to see as Force Ghosts.





	Who is scared of the Force ghost now?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Star Wars or these characters they belong to Disney (like everything else really)
> 
> Happy May the 4th!

"So who do you want to see and talk to as a Force ghost?"

"Qui-gon Jinn"

"Not your wife?"

"Well, yeah... I mean, she can't become a Force ghost"

"Maybe, but we are talking hypothetically here. If she could would you like to talk to her? Or to anyone you knew really?"

"Yes, of course I would like to see and talk to Padme. And also with my mother"

"So with my mom and grandmom?"

"Yes"

"Anyone else?"

"No, I don't think so, you?"

"Well I am already talking with Ben and Yoda. Maybe with Biggs, he was my best friend on Tatooine, you know. Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen of course, they were everything I had while growing up. Maybe even Nakari. She was my first love. At least the first love I remember. Leia doesn't count, she is my sister."

"Really? Well alright then"

Awkward silence. "You don't want to see Yoda or Ben?"

"Oh, Force no! I don't want to listen to them nagging at me, and telling me 'We told you so!'. And I know they will if I ever see them again. Actually I don't want to see any Jedi ever again. Most of them were just really annoying. And none of them liked me"

"Yeah I understand. I am not sure if they will criticize you, but you are right they can be a bit annoying. Yoda sometimes just appears and watches me, without saying anything. It's really creepy and when I ask him what he is doing, he just ignores me. It is especially awkward, when I am doing something mundane or when I am at the shower. I just finish as fast as I can and hope he disappears soon."

"And Ben, well Ben isn't really like that, but he still does talk in half truths and lies all the time. His favorite phrase 'from a certain point of view', can be just so annoying and it infuriates me"

"Yes! I completely understand. It infuriated me too, just imagine the other Jedi using it too"

"Oh, Force no wonder you didn't like being around them. Every time they use that sentence, they think it justifies everything they do or do not"

"There is no try. I see you projected your inner Yoda there"

"Shut up I am trying to make a point here! I mean I could say 'It is bad to kill people', and they can just say 'From a certain point of view they deserved it', and it's like end of discussion for them. It's just not fair! And why do they have to be so damn cryptic all the time? Can't they just say what they want with easy sentences like 'Do this, don't do that and it will be like that, you will learn this' and end it with that"

"Yeah, it can be a pain in the banthas butt, when they get like that. It's so not entertaining"

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

"Hey, Leia. We are talking about who we want to see as a Force ghost. You know, how I see Ben and Yoda"

"Oh, that sounds fun. Can I choose whoever I want?"

"Yes"

"Well I would like to speak with my father and mother Bail and Breha, I really miss them. And everyone who died on Aldeeran. And all the rebels who bravely gave their life for the rebellion"

"Oh, yeah I forgot about that! I would like to speak to them too!"

"To Bail and Breha?"

"Well... I mean sure, but I meant to all the rebels who died"

"Oh, yeah I suppose that makes sense"

"And while we are on this subject, I definitely know who I would not like to talk to if he dies and becomes one with the Force"

"Who?"

"Darth Vader"

"But I am your father! And the name is Anakin now!"

"It doesn't matter, you are a same person!"

"Hey come on guys, no fighting please. Haven't you had enough with two wars already?"

"No, I could fight with him again if need be"

"Oh, come on I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it. Not at all"

"All right I understand. This is really tiring, can you cut it out?"

"Hey what's cracking guys? Another fight with daddy vader your worshipfullness? I want in!"

"Han! Don't encourage them!"

"All right whatever kid. You ruin all the fun you know that? Really that is what you are best for isn't it?"

"Come on, I am not so bad"

"Aren't you?

"Han!"

"What?"

"That's my brother you are talking to! Be more nice!"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I am talking about. You Skywalkers and all your drama"

"You don't have any say in it, you smuggler scum, you are not better than my children!"

"Yeah, sure I am not, you stupid Imperial. Go and play in your dark castle over there. We don't need your brooding."

"Can we please stop this stupid fight and move on?"

"Rawwrr"

"Thank you Chewy. At least someone agrees with me"

"Really Chewy? A pointless fight? You hairy traitor!"

"Whatever. Your turn Han. Who do you want to talk to if he or she becomes a Force ghost?"

"No one. The dead should stay dead"

"Oh come on Han! You're no fun! Just act like you agree for a bit and give your answer!"

"Alright! Alright kid! Whatever you say. Well I would like to see my father"

"Why?"

"Because I want to punch him in the fucking face! He was a jerk"

"Really, Han? Really?"

"What? It is the truth Leia!"

"Rawwrrr!"

"What did the Wookie say?"

"What you don't know Shyriiwook Vader?"

"No. And the name is Anakin"

"Alright,  _Anakin_ , the Wookie, who by the way is called  _Chewbacca_ said that he would not like to see his grandfather"

"Why?"

"Because he was a pervert"

"Well that is a good reason not to see someone"

"I don't ever want to see Watto. He was a sleemo, if you know what I mean. Or Dug, or any Hutt ever"

"You know I don't always agree with you  _Anakin,_ but in this I agree completely. I never want to see Jabba's slimey hide again!"

"Agreed. Well unlike you two he actually  _touched me with his tongue._ And made me wear that outfit. I am so glad I killed him. It was sweet revenge"

"Oh, how I regret being blind then. Why couldn't I see it!"

"Watch it you scumbag, that is my daughter you are talking to!"

"Well you don't have any say in it. You tortured me and blown up my planet"

"Tarkin did that. And by the way he was also a dick, so I am glad he died with the Death Star. If there is something you did right Luke, then killing Tarkin was the best choice"

"Along with hundreds of innocent people. But, yeah thanks dad"

"I didn't mean it like that.."

"I know, I am just kidding"

"I really shouldn't leave you alone with Obi-wan. He had that kind of humor too, and I hated it"

"Is that why you killed him?"

"Now, wait a minute young lady..."

"Greedo"

"What?"

"I don't ever want to see Greedo again"

"Yeah and Boba Fett"

"How have I forgotten that scum? Yeah, him too. I hope he rots in hell or whatever"

"Actually every bounty hunter, slaver and smuggler is not worth a credit"

"Hey! I know some of us are bad, but not all of us!"

"That's what you say"

"Raaawwwrr!"

"Yes, you are right Chewy, he was a dick too. Slimy son of a gundark"

"Hey, guys, guys! Wait I just remembered something!"

"What is it Luke?"

"Yeah, spill it kid"

"I think out of all the people we know there is just one we can all agree that we would never, ever want to see as a Force ghost"

"And that is son?"

"Emperor Palpatine"

"Yes, I completely agree"

"Affirmative, he was a major dick"

"He was a dick of the dicks. The dickest. The biggest dickhead this side of the galaxy. Yeah I am really glad he is rotting in space"

"I think killing Sidious, is your biggest achivement since you killled Tarkin. Good job, son"

"Well in a way you killed him father"

"Yes I suppose you are right"

"Stupid wrinkled rancor"

"And he also killed millions of other people who didn't deserve it"

"Leia don't start with this again.."

"He can kiss a banthas butt. He can kiss it every day"

"What do you mean don't start with it Luke! It should be addressed. He was a war criminal!"

"And so are we! Leia this is not the time"

"Karabast! Whatever that means"

"Rawwwrr!"

"When will be the time? It never is the time for you Luke!"

"Children no fighting"

"That's it Chewy! That's the spirit!"

"You don't have a say in this. Shut up!"

"Sarlacc testicles"

"Does sarlacc even have testicles? Han where did you hear that from?"

"Yuck, Luke are you seriously asking him that?"

"Yes. What? I am interested"

"You lived on that planet"

"And I fortunately didn't go inside a sarlacc to find out"

"Heard it from some smugglers that lived around Tatooine"

"Weird I never heard it"

"Eh, I don't know kid, maybe it's a new curse"

"Maybe"

"Can we please finish this conversation. I am tired and I want to go to sleep"

"Agreed. Let's go"

"Is this a miracle? Daddy Vader and the princess actually agree on something? Is the Death Star going to appear again?"

"Shut up Han and go to bed. Nobody wants to listen to your bullshit any longer"

"Alright, alright. I can see when I am not wanted. I will go"

"Rraaawwrrr!"

"You said it Chewy"


End file.
